Dear Mary: My new girlfriend’s colourful past is making me have second thoughts

I have recently come to be concerned in a courting with a new woman. We’ve got a completely sturdy physical and mental connection.
The only problem is that she seems to have history with so many men. Conversations are generally peppered with references to those encounters, lots of which seem to have led to her being dumped after these lads had their laugh.
I find the frequent references maximum unladylike and i have in no way dated a lady who spent a lot time speakme about such nonsense.
Is she immature or insecure? It is like something you would pay attention in a Junior Cert elegance – which turned into with who, and so forth.
Because of the robust connection we have, i’ve attempted hard to look her within the high-quality mild feasible however a current accumulating underlined how little I likely value her. certainly one of her many exes could be overheard making fun of her looks and boasting that no matter those drawbacks he have been along with her anyway.
a whole lot as we get on and plenty as i am getting the impression that she would like the relationship with me to work, I simply do not believe i’m able to take her critically enough to deliver our dating to the following stage as I do not honestly wish to live my lifestyles being embarrassed with the aid of clowns just like the one referred to above.
I don’t want to harm her, but what can i do?
I’d want to stay pals partially out of pity as with all the dumping she has had a difficult life.
But I don’t suppose pity is sufficient for a dating. Need to I simply draw a complete line under this and move on?
Mary replies: It seems to me which you have separate troubles with this lady. First of all she talks continuously about her preceding relationships, and secondly you get embarrassed when you overhear a number of these men speakme about her in much less than flattering terms.
you could of course surmount the primary problem with the aid of telling her which you do not like hearing about her preceding stories and ask her to prevent, however I’m greater involved about the second hassle.
You made a reference to a Junior Cert magnificence, however if she is an immature scholar then you stumble upon as being a fairly disapproving and important instructor.
If, as you say, you’ve got a sturdy connection with her, then i might have predicted you to rise up for her when you heard the man putting her down. That’s what friends do; they speak up for one another and allow others realize that they may be now not going to face by way of while their friends are spoken badly of.
Admittedly it takes courage to speak up however then again it would be cowardly no longer to.
You could disagree with me and experience that you failed to need to mention anything, and that is your prerogative.
However it shouldn’t definitely rely what other humans assume or say about her. What you think is what counts.
However you don’t appear to have many high quality thoughts approximately her, that’s what I discover so demanding. In reality she appears more a cause of anxiety for you rather than a source of joy and what’s the point in that?
I experience there’s no question of you persevering with on with this specific courting.
I’m positive she could be appalled if she knew the way you had been questioning and indeed the way you view her, and it’s miles a lot better which you end along with her now rather than persevering with on and then in the long run hurting her through being but every other guy who ends a dating with her.
In truth, you may be doing her a provider as she may additionally meet anyone new with whom she will be able to discover happiness.
You may touch Mary O’Conor anonymously by using traveling or email her at or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be handled in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is not able to reply any questions privately.

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